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Collection: Part 10 · VIDEHA MITHILA MAITHILI DISCUSSION CRITICISM SERIES PART 10
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Detected language: en (0.968146)
Duration: 24:17
Source: Open preserved recording

Timestamped machine output

0:03–0:33पलन्दुम अन्दन, अप्वास, बाई हरजीवन मिश्षर, साश्व्विष्विष्विष्विष्विष्विष्विष्विष्विष्विष्विष्विष्विष्विष्विष्विष्विष्विष्विष्विष्विष्विष्विष्विष्विष्विष्विष्वि
0:33–0:40of righteous conduct, the fulfillment of desire and the acquisition of wealth.
0:40–0:45He possesses abundant riches and is Parvati's beloved Lord.
0:45–0:471.
0:47–0:50At the end of a benedictory invocation.
0:50–0:52Enough talk.
0:52–0:53Ah!
0:53–0:59This is the occasion of the conception right for Lingoji Bhatta's wife.
0:59–1:06At this celebration, Palandumandana and the other guests are hungry, for a marriage alliance
1:06–1:08is under discussion.
1:08–1:14If the wishes of these guests are not fulfilled, how will they offer their blessings?
1:14–1:20And without inward satisfaction, how will they pronounce the Vedic words correctly,
1:20–1:26especially when the North Indians are so clever and accomplished in so many arts?
1:26–1:30May the audience's ardent expectations be fulfilled.
1:30–1:33He sniffs the air with pleasure.
1:33–1:40Ah! My wish is about to be fulfilled by that sharp scent of onion which overpowers every
1:40–1:41other smell.
1:41–1:43Aside!
1:43–1:45So be it.
1:45–1:49I shall call my wife and gather the people.
1:49–1:50Looking around.
1:50–1:54My lady, come here, come here.
1:54–1:57The actress enters.
1:57–1:59My Lord, speak quickly.
1:59–2:03I am occupied with other work and very busy.
2:03–2:08My lady, what task keeps you in such a hurry?
2:08–2:12My Lord, Palandumanna and his company have been invited today.
2:12–2:17To receive them with honour, I have perfumed the house with incense, and meanwhile I have
2:17–2:18come here.
2:18–2:23You too should go there and welcome them by waving the end of your upper garment.
2:23–2:29My lady, have you spoiled the house with the smoke of black agarwood?
2:29–2:35My lord, do you not understand? That is the smell of large onions.
2:35–2:37Excellent! Excellent!
2:37–2:42Palandumandana and the others must be satisfied now.
2:42–2:45Come then, let us honour them properly.
2:45–2:50Why delay any longer? From offstage.
2:50–3:00Seeing heaps of large onion skins scattered through the lane, Palandumandana and the others are wandering this way and that he got to enter a house rich in onions.
3:00–3:05Prajapati Deva is coming here to report the matter to Lingoji Bhatta.
3:05–3:12What has happened? Why are Palandumandana and his company confused?
3:12–3:17Where are they going? Come, let us go to them.
3:17–3:19They both exit.
3:19–3:23Prologue.
3:23–3:26Projapati Deva enters.
3:26–3:33Where has Lingoji Bhattagon, that son of a whore and her lover, that king of rogues?
3:33–3:39Palandumandana and his company are leaving in anger for some other place.
3:39–4:03Ah! Now I remember clearly. Perhaps Palandumandana and the other learned guests were offended by the presence of several leading kinsmen who had assembled to discuss a marriage between the children of the brothers-in-law, Priyambaka Bhatta and Lingoji Bhatta. No matter. I shall go and bring them myself.
4:03–4:06A clamour is heard behind the curtain.
4:06–4:22May the Lord of all hosts, the sun, the moon, the assembly of gracious gods, the five-fold group, water, air, fire, ether, and earth, many precious jewels and sacred formulas and bromines accomplished in perfected knowledge bless you all.
4:22–4:242.
4:24–4:34Ah! The auspicious moment has arrived. Let the feeding of the Brahmins and all the other rites begin at once.
4:34–4:37behind the curtain in a Vedic chant.
4:38–4:41There was a Prajapati, a mouse.
4:41–4:43He had two teeth.
4:43–4:49With each tooth he digs holes, breaks vessels, and swallows the sacrificial offering.
4:49–4:54Whenever the Sacrificer hears him cry, come, come, he kills him.
4:54–4:58Then the Sacrificer becomes capable of reaching heaven.
4:58–5:00He who knows this?
5:00–5:03Ah! Vedic recitation.
5:03–5:13Have all the guests arrived? I shall return with Param Bhatta and Kalankankurcharya, bringing the copper sacrificial vessel."
5:13–5:15He exits.
5:15–5:17Music.
5:17–5:21Ginger enters holding Lingoji Bhatta by the hand.
5:21–5:30Her body is stained with turmeric, she is adorned with garlands and ornaments, and her veil and upper garment are tightly and distinctively arranged.
5:30–5:41She chews beetle and a reeker nut with relish. Her appearance is auspicious and attractive. She is richly dressed, or richly scented, and radiant with love.
5:41–5:46Kvartika enters with her, holding Triambaka by the hand.
5:46–5:52Our salutations. Why are the Brahmans taking so long to arrive?
5:52–5:56The two sisters-in-law steal glances at each other.
5:56–6:01Is Raktamulika, the daughter of your co-wife Pernipolika, well?
6:01–6:06By your blessing, she is well. And is your son Grinjanadri well?
6:06–6:13Yes. Day and night, that spirited boy remains absorbed in thoughts of your daughter's beauty.
6:13–6:20And in the same way, Raktamulika amuses herself by repeatedly recalling the beauty of the well-built Grinjanadri.
6:20–6:23They take each other's hands.
6:23–6:26Listen, Triambukha Bhatta.
6:26–6:30I am frightened by that declaration of the smorty which says that a man who gives a young
6:30–6:33daughter in marriage does not reach heaven.
6:33–6:37Therefore I wish to arrange, with all speed, the marriage of my daughter Raktamilika,
6:37–6:41who is as lovely as the fresh blossom of a mango tree.
6:41–6:45Then you have already found the match in your own nephew, Grinjanadri.
6:45–6:49Well, Triambukha, let that be as it may.
6:49–6:52I shall ask my wife.
6:52–6:53toward her.
6:53–6:57Pernopolica, come here, come here.
6:57–6:59What is it, honored Lingoji?
6:59–7:03My dear, we are considering the marriage of your daughter Ractamulica to Griginodri, your
7:03–7:06nephew and the son of the wealthy Triambacabatta.
7:06–7:10Honored sir, it is an excellent idea.
7:10–7:12But there is a difficulty.
7:12–7:14Lashunapant may die soon.
7:14–7:16My dear, that is true.
7:16–7:19Still, Griginodri is young.
7:19–7:23What uses that old man, that is, Lashunapant?
7:23–7:28Let us first secure immediate verbal consent to this marriage alliance.
7:28–7:30How could there be any doubt?
7:30–7:31Looking around?
7:31–7:32Kvithika?
7:32–7:35Raktamulika is now in your care.
7:35–7:37I am blessed indeed.
7:37–7:40Is Grinjanadri not also your son?
7:40–7:45Let the verbal agreement between the boy and the girl be concluded.
7:45–7:49Before Kallenkankara has arrived, Leshun Nipand enters.
7:49–7:54Listen, Lingoji Bertha, destroyer of other people's hopes.
7:54–7:57What will you gain by robbing me of heaven?
7:57–8:01From the day Rektamilika was born, the hope of winning a hen has been the sole support
8:01–8:03of my life.
8:03–8:07Krenjunodri is certainly younger than I am, and he is my own brother.
8:07–8:10He may still place hope in his future.
8:10–8:12Why are you in such haste?
8:12–8:17to this conception right, will Chinchon not give you another daughter.
8:17–8:23This old man has wicked designs upon my daughter. No matter. I shall think about it.
8:23–8:29Lashunapant is old. Therefore this marriage can be achieved only through the power of
8:29–8:31wealth.
8:31–8:34He takes out gold coins and displays them.
8:34–8:38Now that he is displaying so much wealth, let the marriage alliance be with Lashunapant
8:38–8:43alone. Grinjanadri may be young, but enough of that.
8:43–8:51Come, come, state the exact amount you demand. Yes. You shall receive gold equal to ten
8:51–8:55caches. No one can be certain of the length of a living
8:55–9:00creature's life. What use, then, is so little gold?
9:00–9:05Pelendumandanus' brother, who was more than 120 years old, married Pendemilica solely
9:05–9:07through the power of wealth.
9:07–9:08Allowed.
9:08–9:10Or Lingoji.
9:10–9:14Has anyone nourished by garlic ever died?
9:14–9:18He displays as much gold as may be required.
9:18–9:21What use will all this gold be?
9:21–9:23Still, let it be so.
9:23–9:26Ah, my son Lashina Pant, this is excellent.
9:26–9:30But why not also provide some money now for your funeral rites?
9:30–9:36If that is so, what use will be made of this field of mine, where garlic and onions grow?
9:36–9:38Pointing toward this field.
9:38–9:44Woman, should such a thing happen, let a memorial linger be erected in this very field, etc.
9:44–9:46The land is highly fertile.
9:46–9:48What more is needed?
9:48–9:51My purpose is accomplished.
9:51–9:55Let the marriage alliance be with Lashina Pantalone.
9:55–9:57I am thinking the same thing.
9:57–10:02The curtain is drawn aside and Gringinadri enters.
10:02–10:07Ah, you critic of helpful men. Does the king not give widows free food?
10:07–10:24Oh, sir, how marvelous! How quickly people, wearing tight waistcloths and scarves over their shoulders, frightened of passersby, stuffing leftover food into their clothes and greedily drinking a handful of water at a public fountain, forget the customs of their own region at the mere sight of money.
10:24–10:40A thorn has pierced my heart. No matter. I shall trick him. Allowed. Come, come. The hour of the conception rite has arrived. Let food be served at once to all the invited Brahmans.
10:40–10:43From offstage.
10:43–10:51You chiefs among castlingers, seedlings of slander, mad dogs, dog stales, pets of prostitutes,
10:51–10:55lovers of your teacher's wives and of your own daughters-in-law, accomplished lovers of
10:55–11:00maidservants, lords of death, destroyers of friends, masters of broken faith, cheats
11:00–11:05of the whole world, thorns even in Narayana's side, sharp-mouthed wretches, chiefs amongst
11:05–11:11scoundrels, detours of forbidden food, stay exactly where you are.
11:11–11:15Because there is too little room inside, comfortable seating for the meal will be arranged only
11:15–11:17in the lane.
11:17–11:21The renowned palindumandana and a few others may come inside.
11:21–11:26Palindumandana, Mithyukuta, and several others enter.
11:26–11:29I have never sat at the same meal with Chidapavada.
11:29–11:33Ha, ha, sir.
11:33–11:35Have you forgotten yesterday?
11:35–11:39During the worship of Kandariya, did you not devour a special dish seasoned with many
11:39–11:48varieties of onion? Ha ha brother. Our large onions use tier 2. What else would they use?
11:49–11:57Palindu Mandana rises proudly. What use our large onions alone? Without small onions,
11:57–12:00a dish is as tasteless as the fodder eaten by a horned beast.
12:01–12:06What use is this tasteless discussion? When a garlic bulb rises like the lord of medicinal
12:06–12:14helps the moon what need have your firefly like varieties of onion. Ha ha brother is the large
12:14–12:20onion not superior even to garlic. A fine array of onions shines like a constellation of stars.
12:21–12:26Pearls diamonds and topazes are not worth even one hundredth part of it. The very side of it
12:26–12:31brings supreme satisfaction. In the field the bullbearing onion shines brilliantly by day like
12:31–12:33the moon in the sky.
12:33–12:343.
12:34–12:35Indeed.
12:35–12:42A single cluster of garlic destroys countless diseases born of disorders of the wind.
12:42–12:45What can compare with garlic?
12:45–12:49Its mere smell makes food especially delicious even for gods and demons.
12:49–12:514.
12:51–12:52Listen to me.
12:52–12:55The small onion is the finest of all seasonings.
12:55–12:59The brilliance of coral is merely its handmade.
12:59–13:01Fools do not know its true nature.
13:01–13:04How could they understand its subtlety?
13:04–13:065.
13:06–13:09Prajapati Deva re-enters.
13:09–13:12Why is the feeding of the Brahmans being delayed?
13:12–13:17Ah, Prajapati Deva, the delay is because the boiled vegetables and greens are being
13:17–13:20tempered with onion and garlic.
13:20–13:22So be it.
13:22–13:25I shall bring the leaf plates.
13:25–13:28He minds bringing leaf plates.
13:28–13:30From offstage.
13:30–13:37Oh! The smell of onion and garlic has turned the whole place into heaven. Look, look!
13:38–13:41Why are those wicked North Indians covering their noses and running away?
13:42–13:46Fortunet are the Southerners, delighted by the many dishes.
13:47–13:50In their excitement, they are demonstrating the Pada,
13:50–13:54Croma and Jutta methods of Vedic recitation with clear pronunciation.
13:55–13:58Why have these foremost kinsmen, who adorn the assembly hall,
13:58–14:00not yet taken their seats.
14:01–14:02They enter.
14:03–14:07Param Bhatta and the others enter with ash smeared over their bodies.
14:08–14:12Cheerfully they carry leaf plates, water pots, and other objects.
14:12–14:14Their stomachs are empty.
14:15–14:18Their reddish brown garments patched together from a hundred pieces,
14:18–14:22create on every side the splendid illusion of thousand-eyed Indra.
14:23–14:246.
14:24–14:30Leshuna Pant, eager to display his passion, coughs violently, short of breath, he faints
14:30–14:32and falls.
14:32–14:36Quickly, bring the juice of a large onion.
14:36–14:40Otherwise Lashina Pant will not remain with us much longer.
14:40–14:44Grinjanaadri runs in with small onion juice.
14:44–14:48Arunala Bhattah brings a jar of rice water.
14:48–14:52Brother Lingoji, give him something restorative.
14:52–14:56Tangoji Bata shakes his head and looks around.
14:56–15:01Dear Raktumulika, mix the juice of the red root with tamarind juice.
15:01–15:04Raktumulika does so at once.
15:04–15:05You fools.
15:05–15:09Watch how swiftly I work this miracle.
15:09–15:13He immediately pours it into Lashuna Pants mouth.
15:13–15:16From behind the curtain.
15:16–15:20You who are forever arranging funeral rites and trying to send Lashuna Pants to the
15:20–15:26next world ahead of everyone else, throw away that pyre made of dried onion and garlic skins.
15:27–15:31The messengers of death have urinated on Lashunapan's face and fled.
15:31–15:34Therefore he must certainly be alive now.
15:35–15:37This medicine is truly powerful.
15:38–15:41By now Lashunapan has regained consciousness.
15:42–15:44Please bring a cluster of garlic.
15:45–15:47I fainted because of an excess of bile.
15:48–15:50Excellent, excellent, sir.
15:50–15:53The same thing happens to me again and again.
15:53–15:56I am trapped among a company of fools.
15:56–16:01You wicked idiots, how can a disorder of bile be cured without a sweet taste?
16:01–16:04Take this juice made from small onions.
16:04–16:09If garlic is unable to drive away disease, what can one say of the small onion?
16:09–16:14If the sun cannot be the chief destroyer of darkness, what can one say of the moon?
16:14–16:168.
16:16–16:33O cluster of garlic, destroyer of every affliction, wars that gallops upon the high road, or the road to the next world, crush of crevice and destroyer of ill-fated fragrance, given an instant of true marvel or perfect knowledge, bread that delights the hungry, supreme goddess, show mercy.
16:33–16:349.
16:34–16:43Pernopolica loosens her veil, removes a cluster of garlic with her left hand, and places it in Leshuna pants mouth.
16:43–16:45How obstinate these fools are.
16:45–16:51The small onion is red as coral, juicy as nectar, a quickener of love, and capable of
16:51–16:55giving delight, purity awakens at the very sight of it.
16:55–16:57Fools refuse to believe in its power.
16:57–16:5810.
16:58–17:00Ha, ha.
17:00–17:05It is true that in just this way the gods drink the moon, its nectarase, because the
17:05–17:08moon resembles khalik in form.
17:08–17:11And the moon itself is worthy of worship in this world because it resembles a clove
17:11–17:13of khalik.
17:13–17:1411.
17:14–17:20Pernopolica, this man, Lashuna Pant is alive through the power of your merit.
17:20–17:23Your daughter is fortunate too, for she has now obtained enough wealth to live free of
17:23–17:28care throughout her own life and throughout her husband's life as well.
17:28–17:30The curtain is drawn aside.
17:30–17:36The priest Parambatta enters with fuel, kusha grass, a sacrificial ladle, clarified butter,
17:36–17:38and ritual vessels.
17:38–17:41Ha, ha.
17:41–17:44There seems to be great confusion among the daughters-in-law.
17:44–17:48Let the smell of garlic and onion therefore be covered.
17:48–17:51Why has the strong wind made the odour so intense?
17:51–17:58The skirt covered with garlic and onion skins seems to be summoning uninvited Vedic priests.
17:58–18:01Let the conception ceremony begin.
18:01–18:07He covers the sacrificial altar with garlic and onion skins instead of kusha grass.
18:07–18:09Then.
18:09–18:14Mingoji Bata looks toward Chincha and signals his sexual desire.
18:14–18:18Will the conception right take place right here?
18:18–18:24Looking at her husband, she takes out Lakshmana, medicinal herb, and Mimes eating it.
18:24–18:26Let me gain strength.
18:26–18:30Even a man whose virility was destroyed by Hanuman's roar becomes a man again after
18:30–18:32eating onion.
18:32–18:38He Mimes swallowing garlic as though it were the remnant of the sacrificial offering.
18:38–18:45Reverently to receive sacred ash, he mimes consuming bang, an intoxicant made from cannabis.
18:45–18:49Pretending to protect himself from the smoke, he secretly offers tobacco leaves into the
18:49–18:56sacrificial fire and draws in the smoke of tobacco, bang, and the rest through a blowpipe.
18:56–18:59No such family custom has ever been seen anywhere.
18:59–19:03I too underwent a conception right.
19:03–19:04Astonishing.
19:04–19:05Astonishing.
19:05–19:10She snatches the Lakshmana herb from CHINCHA's hand.
19:10–19:15Now I must throw myself from a mountain or drown myself in water.
19:15–19:19He rises in haste to support Pernopolika.
19:19–19:23With GINJANATI's help, she begins to wail loudly.
19:23–19:28Grinjanodri, why are you disrupting the conception ceremony?
19:28–19:33Pernopolika, this is not proper when you have already given your word to Lashuna
19:33–19:34Pant.
19:34–19:39Besides, is Grinjanadri to remain unmarried forever.
19:39–19:45In the ensuing scuffle, the loosome veils of Pernopolica and Gvartica spill small onions,
19:45–19:49large onions, and garlic in every direction.
19:49–19:54Truly these women are inauspicious, wasting nectar like garlic and the other bulbs.
19:54–19:57Raptamilika, many people are looking at you.
19:57–20:00You are your father's dearly cherished daughter.
20:00–20:04At hostel north Indians are coming here, people who insult Mithyakuta, the nourishing
20:04–20:07saver at the root of every Southerner.
20:07–20:10Their view will be entirely opposed to ours.
20:10–20:11From offstage
20:11–20:17Now the mockery of marriage with once paternal uncle's daughter and other such customs may
20:17–20:19be avoided.
20:19–20:25The north Indians, who can expose other people's faults through satire, have arrived.
20:25–20:31The Bengali scholars Jalari Jankara and Piribankara Bhattacharya enter with their disciple, who
20:31–20:33is carrying a fish.
20:33–20:35Shiva, Shiva.
20:35–20:37Alas!
20:37–20:39This is the work of childless people.
20:39–20:40Alas!
20:40–20:43Alas!
20:43–20:45Everyone remains with their noses covered.
20:45–20:50Bhattacharya shows the kitchen at once, for these 3-day-old fish may begin to rot
20:50–20:52at any moment.
20:52–20:56We have become trapped in a house that defies scripture.
20:56–21:00How can we arrange a meal among these barren people?
21:00–21:03We are dying from the smell of rotten fish.
21:03–21:05Where can we go?
21:05–21:07You people stand outside the bounds of Dharma.
21:07–21:10You understand almost nothing about religion.
21:10–21:15The Smutty says, a person who eats meat after worshipping the gods and ancestors is not
21:15–21:17defiled.
21:17–21:18How can that be?
21:18–21:23In the relevant portion of the smutty, meat eating is forbidden in the Kali age.
21:23–21:27That may be explained by the principle of satisfying the wicked.
21:27–21:31To begin with, your statement has no foundation.
21:31–21:34And where is the eating of fish forbidden?
21:34–21:37If that is so, where is it prescribed?
21:37–21:42Was Kati Yana a Jaya mistaken when he said, and fish after two months?
21:42–21:46And was Manatalking nonsense when he said that the Parthena and Rohita species of
21:46–21:51fish are respectively the most suitable offerings to the gods as Havia and to the ancestors as Kovya.
21:52–21:56Realizing that they cannot defeat their opponent without a false accusation,
21:56–22:02the Southerners send one of their number outside. Until he returns with a royal officer,
22:02–22:05they support their position with several invented claims.
22:07–22:12The chief royal officer enters. He has bought to Chaya bound and beaten.
22:12–22:17I do not understand why you are beating me. I am innocent.
22:17–22:27You are performing a tantric right intended to cause someone's death. To the soldier. No matter. Beat him again and again.
22:27–22:29The soldier beats him.
22:29–22:36Oh, my southern brothers. Is this true? Were you not eyewitnesses in this matter?
22:36–22:41We are the only witnesses. How could there be any doubt?
22:41–22:44Then why do you not say so plainly?
22:44–22:47What proof is there that we are witnesses?
22:47–22:49You are learned in the Vedas.
22:49–22:52How can there be any doubt that you are witnesses?
22:52–22:58If that is so, this Bhattacharya should be killed, for he is a tantric sorcerer.
22:58–23:02They point to the heaps of onion, garlic, and other skins.
23:02–23:10Taking this as proof, the officer binds Bhattacharya and his disciple and carries them away together with the heap of refuse.
23:10–23:18See how Lord Jagadisha has granted us victory over our rival. May our friends enjoy such glory.
23:19–23:23The enemy is defeated, the darkness of obstruction has been wholly dispelled,
23:23–23:28knowledge is being acclaimed in triumph. Yet why, even in the Kali age,
23:28–23:32has the superstition surrounding forbidden foods not been dispelled?
23:33–23:3912. So be it. Let the conception right be celebrated at some other auspicious hour.
23:39–23:42We are leaving.
23:42–23:46Then we shall arrange another auspicious hour.
23:46–23:48They all rise.
23:48–23:53Nevertheless, let this be the final benediction.
23:53–23:58The gaining of a kingdom, victory in every direction, and the crossing of difficulties
23:58–24:03are undoubtedly achieved only at an auspicious moment.
24:03–24:0513.
24:05–24:09All exit.
24:09–24:11This ends the farce entitled Palindum and Dana.

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पलन्दुम अन्दन, अप्वास, बाई हरजीवन मिश्षर, साश्व्विष्विष्विष्विष्विष्विष्विष्विष्विष्विष्विष्विष्विष्विष्विष्विष्विष्विष्विष्विष्विष्विष्विष्विष्विष्विष्विष्वि of righteous conduct, the fulfillment of desire and the acquisition of wealth. He possesses abundant riches and is Parvati's beloved Lord. 1. At the end of a benedictory invocation. Enough talk. Ah! This is the occasion of the conception right for Lingoji Bhatta's wife. At this celebration, Palandumandana and the other guests are hungry, for a marriage alliance is under discussion. If the wishes of these guests are not fulfilled, how will they offer their blessings? And without inward satisfaction, how will they pronounce the Vedic words correctly, especially when the North Indians are so clever and accomplished in so many arts? May the audience's ardent expectations be fulfilled. He sniffs the air with pleasure. Ah! My wish is about to be fulfilled by that sharp scent of onion which overpowers every other smell. Aside! So be it. I shall call my wife and gather the people. Looking around. My lady, come here, come here. The actress enters. My Lord, speak quickly. I am occupied with other work and very busy. My lady, what task keeps you in such a hurry? My Lord, Palandumanna and his company have been invited today. To receive them with honour, I have perfumed the house with incense, and meanwhile I have come here. You too should go there and welcome them by waving the end of your upper garment. My lady, have you spoiled the house with the smoke of black agarwood? My lord, do you not understand? That is the smell of large onions. Excellent! Excellent! Palandumandana and the others must be satisfied now. Come then, let us honour them properly. Why delay any longer? From offstage. Seeing heaps of large onion skins scattered through the lane, Palandumandana and the others are wandering this way and that he got to enter a house rich in onions. Prajapati Deva is coming here to report the matter to Lingoji Bhatta. What has happened? Why are Palandumandana and his company confused? Where are they going? Come, let us go to them. They both exit. Prologue. Projapati Deva enters. Where has Lingoji Bhattagon, that son of a whore and her lover, that king of rogues? Palandumandana and his company are leaving in anger for some other place. Ah! Now I remember clearly. Perhaps Palandumandana and the other learned guests were offended by the presence of several leading kinsmen who had assembled to discuss a marriage between the children of the brothers-in-law, Priyambaka Bhatta and Lingoji Bhatta. No matter. I shall go and bring them myself. A clamour is heard behind the curtain. May the Lord of all hosts, the sun, the moon, the assembly of gracious gods, the five-fold group, water, air, fire, ether, and earth, many precious jewels and sacred formulas and bromines accomplished in perfected knowledge bless you all. 2. Ah! The auspicious moment has arrived. Let the feeding of the Brahmins and all the other rites begin at once. behind the curtain in a Vedic chant. There was a Prajapati, a mouse. He had two teeth. With each tooth he digs holes, breaks vessels, and swallows the sacrificial offering. Whenever the Sacrificer hears him cry, come, come, he kills him. Then the Sacrificer becomes capable of reaching heaven. He who knows this? Ah! Vedic recitation. Have all the guests arrived? I shall return with Param Bhatta and Kalankankurcharya, bringing the copper sacrificial vessel." He exits. Music. Ginger enters holding Lingoji Bhatta by the hand. Her body is stained with turmeric, she is adorned with garlands and ornaments, and her veil and upper garment are tightly and distinctively arranged. She chews beetle and a reeker nut with relish. Her appearance is auspicious and attractive. She is richly dressed, or richly scented, and radiant with love. Kvartika enters with her, holding Triambaka by the hand. Our salutations. Why are the Brahmans taking so long to arrive? The two sisters-in-law steal glances at each other. Is Raktamulika, the daughter of your co-wife Pernipolika, well? By your blessing, she is well. And is your son Grinjanadri well? Yes. Day and night, that spirited boy remains absorbed in thoughts of your daughter's beauty. And in the same way, Raktamulika amuses herself by repeatedly recalling the beauty of the well-built Grinjanadri. They take each other's hands. Listen, Triambukha Bhatta. I am frightened by that declaration of the smorty which says that a man who gives a young daughter in marriage does not reach heaven. Therefore I wish to arrange, with all speed, the marriage of my daughter Raktamilika, who is as lovely as the fresh blossom of a mango tree. Then you have already found the match in your own nephew, Grinjanadri. Well, Triambukha, let that be as it may. I shall ask my wife. toward her. Pernopolica, come here, come here. What is it, honored Lingoji? My dear, we are considering the marriage of your daughter Ractamulica to Griginodri, your nephew and the son of the wealthy Triambacabatta. Honored sir, it is an excellent idea. But there is a difficulty. Lashunapant may die soon. My dear, that is true. Still, Griginodri is young. What uses that old man, that is, Lashunapant? Let us first secure immediate verbal consent to this marriage alliance. How could there be any doubt? Looking around? Kvithika? Raktamulika is now in your care. I am blessed indeed. Is Grinjanadri not also your son? Let the verbal agreement between the boy and the girl be concluded. Before Kallenkankara has arrived, Leshun Nipand enters. Listen, Lingoji Bertha, destroyer of other people's hopes. What will you gain by robbing me of heaven? From the day Rektamilika was born, the hope of winning a hen has been the sole support of my life. Krenjunodri is certainly younger than I am, and he is my own brother. He may still place hope in his future. Why are you in such haste? to this conception right, will Chinchon not give you another daughter. This old man has wicked designs upon my daughter. No matter. I shall think about it. Lashunapant is old. Therefore this marriage can be achieved only through the power of wealth. He takes out gold coins and displays them. Now that he is displaying so much wealth, let the marriage alliance be with Lashunapant alone. Grinjanadri may be young, but enough of that. Come, come, state the exact amount you demand. Yes. You shall receive gold equal to ten caches. No one can be certain of the length of a living creature's life. What use, then, is so little gold? Pelendumandanus' brother, who was more than 120 years old, married Pendemilica solely through the power of wealth. Allowed. Or Lingoji. Has anyone nourished by garlic ever died? He displays as much gold as may be required. What use will all this gold be? Still, let it be so. Ah, my son Lashina Pant, this is excellent. But why not also provide some money now for your funeral rites? If that is so, what use will be made of this field of mine, where garlic and onions grow? Pointing toward this field. Woman, should such a thing happen, let a memorial linger be erected in this very field, etc. The land is highly fertile. What more is needed? My purpose is accomplished. Let the marriage alliance be with Lashina Pantalone. I am thinking the same thing. The curtain is drawn aside and Gringinadri enters. Ah, you critic of helpful men. Does the king not give widows free food? Oh, sir, how marvelous! How quickly people, wearing tight waistcloths and scarves over their shoulders, frightened of passersby, stuffing leftover food into their clothes and greedily drinking a handful of water at a public fountain, forget the customs of their own region at the mere sight of money. A thorn has pierced my heart. No matter. I shall trick him. Allowed. Come, come. The hour of the conception rite has arrived. Let food be served at once to all the invited Brahmans. From offstage. You chiefs among castlingers, seedlings of slander, mad dogs, dog stales, pets of prostitutes, lovers of your teacher's wives and of your own daughters-in-law, accomplished lovers of maidservants, lords of death, destroyers of friends, masters of broken faith, cheats of the whole world, thorns even in Narayana's side, sharp-mouthed wretches, chiefs amongst scoundrels, detours of forbidden food, stay exactly where you are. Because there is too little room inside, comfortable seating for the meal will be arranged only in the lane. The renowned palindumandana and a few others may come inside. Palindumandana, Mithyukuta, and several others enter. I have never sat at the same meal with Chidapavada. Ha, ha, sir. Have you forgotten yesterday? During the worship of Kandariya, did you not devour a special dish seasoned with many varieties of onion? Ha ha brother. Our large onions use tier 2. What else would they use? Palindu Mandana rises proudly. What use our large onions alone? Without small onions, a dish is as tasteless as the fodder eaten by a horned beast. What use is this tasteless discussion? When a garlic bulb rises like the lord of medicinal helps the moon what need have your firefly like varieties of onion. Ha ha brother is the large onion not superior even to garlic. A fine array of onions shines like a constellation of stars. Pearls diamonds and topazes are not worth even one hundredth part of it. The very side of it brings supreme satisfaction. In the field the bullbearing onion shines brilliantly by day like the moon in the sky. 3. Indeed. A single cluster of garlic destroys countless diseases born of disorders of the wind. What can compare with garlic? Its mere smell makes food especially delicious even for gods and demons. 4. Listen to me. The small onion is the finest of all seasonings. The brilliance of coral is merely its handmade. Fools do not know its true nature. How could they understand its subtlety? 5. Prajapati Deva re-enters. Why is the feeding of the Brahmans being delayed? Ah, Prajapati Deva, the delay is because the boiled vegetables and greens are being tempered with onion and garlic. So be it. I shall bring the leaf plates. He minds bringing leaf plates. From offstage. Oh! The smell of onion and garlic has turned the whole place into heaven. Look, look! Why are those wicked North Indians covering their noses and running away? Fortunet are the Southerners, delighted by the many dishes. In their excitement, they are demonstrating the Pada, Croma and Jutta methods of Vedic recitation with clear pronunciation. Why have these foremost kinsmen, who adorn the assembly hall, not yet taken their seats. They enter. Param Bhatta and the others enter with ash smeared over their bodies. Cheerfully they carry leaf plates, water pots, and other objects. Their stomachs are empty. Their reddish brown garments patched together from a hundred pieces, create on every side the splendid illusion of thousand-eyed Indra. 6. Leshuna Pant, eager to display his passion, coughs violently, short of breath, he faints and falls. Quickly, bring the juice of a large onion. Otherwise Lashina Pant will not remain with us much longer. Grinjanaadri runs in with small onion juice. Arunala Bhattah brings a jar of rice water. Brother Lingoji, give him something restorative. Tangoji Bata shakes his head and looks around. Dear Raktumulika, mix the juice of the red root with tamarind juice. Raktumulika does so at once. You fools. Watch how swiftly I work this miracle. He immediately pours it into Lashuna Pants mouth. From behind the curtain. You who are forever arranging funeral rites and trying to send Lashuna Pants to the next world ahead of everyone else, throw away that pyre made of dried onion and garlic skins. The messengers of death have urinated on Lashunapan's face and fled. Therefore he must certainly be alive now. This medicine is truly powerful. By now Lashunapan has regained consciousness. Please bring a cluster of garlic. I fainted because of an excess of bile. Excellent, excellent, sir. The same thing happens to me again and again. I am trapped among a company of fools. You wicked idiots, how can a disorder of bile be cured without a sweet taste? Take this juice made from small onions. If garlic is unable to drive away disease, what can one say of the small onion? If the sun cannot be the chief destroyer of darkness, what can one say of the moon? 8. O cluster of garlic, destroyer of every affliction, wars that gallops upon the high road, or the road to the next world, crush of crevice and destroyer of ill-fated fragrance, given an instant of true marvel or perfect knowledge, bread that delights the hungry, supreme goddess, show mercy. 9. Pernopolica loosens her veil, removes a cluster of garlic with her left hand, and places it in Leshuna pants mouth. How obstinate these fools are. The small onion is red as coral, juicy as nectar, a quickener of love, and capable of giving delight, purity awakens at the very sight of it. Fools refuse to believe in its power. 10. Ha, ha. It is true that in just this way the gods drink the moon, its nectarase, because the moon resembles khalik in form. And the moon itself is worthy of worship in this world because it resembles a clove of khalik. 11. Pernopolica, this man, Lashuna Pant is alive through the power of your merit. Your daughter is fortunate too, for she has now obtained enough wealth to live free of care throughout her own life and throughout her husband's life as well. The curtain is drawn aside. The priest Parambatta enters with fuel, kusha grass, a sacrificial ladle, clarified butter, and ritual vessels. Ha, ha. There seems to be great confusion among the daughters-in-law. Let the smell of garlic and onion therefore be covered. Why has the strong wind made the odour so intense? The skirt covered with garlic and onion skins seems to be summoning uninvited Vedic priests. Let the conception ceremony begin. He covers the sacrificial altar with garlic and onion skins instead of kusha grass. Then. Mingoji Bata looks toward Chincha and signals his sexual desire. Will the conception right take place right here? Looking at her husband, she takes out Lakshmana, medicinal herb, and Mimes eating it. Let me gain strength. Even a man whose virility was destroyed by Hanuman's roar becomes a man again after eating onion. He Mimes swallowing garlic as though it were the remnant of the sacrificial offering. Reverently to receive sacred ash, he mimes consuming bang, an intoxicant made from cannabis. Pretending to protect himself from the smoke, he secretly offers tobacco leaves into the sacrificial fire and draws in the smoke of tobacco, bang, and the rest through a blowpipe. No such family custom has ever been seen anywhere. I too underwent a conception right. Astonishing. Astonishing. She snatches the Lakshmana herb from CHINCHA's hand. Now I must throw myself from a mountain or drown myself in water. He rises in haste to support Pernopolika. With GINJANATI's help, she begins to wail loudly. Grinjanodri, why are you disrupting the conception ceremony? Pernopolika, this is not proper when you have already given your word to Lashuna Pant. Besides, is Grinjanadri to remain unmarried forever. In the ensuing scuffle, the loosome veils of Pernopolica and Gvartica spill small onions, large onions, and garlic in every direction. Truly these women are inauspicious, wasting nectar like garlic and the other bulbs. Raptamilika, many people are looking at you. You are your father's dearly cherished daughter. At hostel north Indians are coming here, people who insult Mithyakuta, the nourishing saver at the root of every Southerner. Their view will be entirely opposed to ours. From offstage Now the mockery of marriage with once paternal uncle's daughter and other such customs may be avoided. The north Indians, who can expose other people's faults through satire, have arrived. The Bengali scholars Jalari Jankara and Piribankara Bhattacharya enter with their disciple, who is carrying a fish. Shiva, Shiva. Alas! This is the work of childless people. Alas! Alas! Everyone remains with their noses covered. Bhattacharya shows the kitchen at once, for these 3-day-old fish may begin to rot at any moment. We have become trapped in a house that defies scripture. How can we arrange a meal among these barren people? We are dying from the smell of rotten fish. Where can we go? You people stand outside the bounds of Dharma. You understand almost nothing about religion. The Smutty says, a person who eats meat after worshipping the gods and ancestors is not defiled. How can that be? In the relevant portion of the smutty, meat eating is forbidden in the Kali age. That may be explained by the principle of satisfying the wicked. To begin with, your statement has no foundation. And where is the eating of fish forbidden? If that is so, where is it prescribed? Was Kati Yana a Jaya mistaken when he said, and fish after two months? And was Manatalking nonsense when he said that the Parthena and Rohita species of fish are respectively the most suitable offerings to the gods as Havia and to the ancestors as Kovya. Realizing that they cannot defeat their opponent without a false accusation, the Southerners send one of their number outside. Until he returns with a royal officer, they support their position with several invented claims. The chief royal officer enters. He has bought to Chaya bound and beaten. I do not understand why you are beating me. I am innocent. You are performing a tantric right intended to cause someone's death. To the soldier. No matter. Beat him again and again. The soldier beats him. Oh, my southern brothers. Is this true? Were you not eyewitnesses in this matter? We are the only witnesses. How could there be any doubt? Then why do you not say so plainly? What proof is there that we are witnesses? You are learned in the Vedas. How can there be any doubt that you are witnesses? If that is so, this Bhattacharya should be killed, for he is a tantric sorcerer. They point to the heaps of onion, garlic, and other skins. Taking this as proof, the officer binds Bhattacharya and his disciple and carries them away together with the heap of refuse. See how Lord Jagadisha has granted us victory over our rival. May our friends enjoy such glory. The enemy is defeated, the darkness of obstruction has been wholly dispelled, knowledge is being acclaimed in triumph. Yet why, even in the Kali age, has the superstition surrounding forbidden foods not been dispelled? 12. So be it. Let the conception right be celebrated at some other auspicious hour. We are leaving. Then we shall arrange another auspicious hour. They all rise. Nevertheless, let this be the final benediction. The gaining of a kingdom, victory in every direction, and the crossing of difficulties are undoubtedly achieved only at an auspicious moment. 13. All exit. This ends the farce entitled Palindum and Dana.

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